The Weekend Trippers
by KreacherofHabit
Summary: Mrs. Lovett and Sweeney make it to the seaside and rent out a room for travelers. But what happens when a not-so-happily married couple checks in? Particularly when the groom has, well, Sweeney-like tendencies. T for killing. Sweenett. I don't own Sweeney
1. Mrs Lovett's Argument

The Weekend Trippers

**A/N Helloooooo! Anybody out there? I'm sorrier than words can describe. High School is a terrible thing that eats away at time until you can't write anymore. But I'm back, and that's what's important.**

**Anyhoo, this FF is set in a parallel universe where Sweeney's plan worked, and Mrs. Lovett was quick enough to burn Lucy's body. Mrs. Lovett was able to drag Sweeney out of London and to the sea (though Toby was not fond of this).**

"Mista Todd," Mrs. Lovett began, "I was thinkin', you know, we should turn a profit, not that your barber shop isn't wonderful, but not many people want a shave on holiday."

Sweeney didn't even look up from his dinner, and he skillfully ignored the dirty looks Toby was glaring at him. "How do you propose to do that Mrs. Lovett?"

Mrs. Lovett fidgeted, "Well, wot if we set up a spare room for travelers? For them to spend the weekend in?"

A normal man would have chuckled, or at least smiled, but Sweeney's rendition was to look up doubtingly, "We don't have any spare rooms." And this was true enough, the cottage was small, just enough for Mrs. Lovett, Toby and Sweeney (and Toby slept in the attic).

But Mrs. Lovett had prepared for this answer, "Wot if I moved into your room? Then we'd 'ave another bedroom." Sweeney continued to stare at Mrs. Lovett, only giving her a slow blink to express his disapproval. However, Mrs. Lovett pressed on, "We could buy a second bed, we wouldn't 'ave to share." Yet, she added in her head.

"You could share the attic wif me, mum" Toby blurted out, unable to allow what Mrs. Lovett wanted.

"That's so sweet Toby, dear," Said Mrs. Lovett, "But you're the only one nimble 'nuff to climb into it. Me poor old knees, ain't what they used to be. Mista Todd?" She said, turning the question back to its owner.

Mister Todd had obviously hoped that eating would excuse him, because he had a wad of potatoes in his mouth that took a solid minute to chew. "We don't need money that bad," He finally said quietly. But he should have known that Mrs. Lovett was far more persuasive and stubborn than he was insistent.

"Please Mista T, think of how lovely it would be to 'ave a harmonium in the house again," Mrs. Lovett missed Sweeney and Toby's brief glance of panic at each other, "We had to sell the other one."

The debate continued for as long as it took Toby to down a bottle of cheap gin.

"Fine," Sweeney relented, sick of hearing the voice, "For one week, we'll try it out."

Mrs. Lovett twittered excitedly, "Oh excellent, love. The new bed should be 'ere by Wednesday, and the couple on Friday."

"Couple?" Asked Toby and Sweeney in an almost unison (the closest they had come to speaking to each other).

Mrs. Lovett continued, "O' course the couple that wants to rent the room for the weekend, Geoffrey and Roslyn Starvling, um, Sterring, somefing like that."

Sweeney almost showed emotion, "You already found a couple? Did you know you would win, then?"

Mrs. Lovett carried her dish out to the kitchen with a nonchalant, "Yes."


	2. The Couple Arrives

**A/N Summer is here! And I'm proud to announce that all my fics will be regularly updated and created now!**

**A big hug and a pie to reviewers: Lovely, xDazedandConfusedX, Sheila Chiaroscura, ShesASuperFreak317, xXGreenRoseliaXx, Maxine the unknowingly admired, and reneesmemalfoy. Drinks all around!**

Geoffrey and Roslyn _Sterling_, as it happened, were just packing up for the four day journey to the seaside.

"Rose? Darling, why are my shirts still on the bed? I packed them yesterday." Geoffrey asked, entering the kitchen with a confused expression.

His wife was busy arranging a vase of flowers. _Pointless_, Geoffrey though because they would be leaving that night. "Rose?" He asked again.

She looked up, miracle of miracles that she was paying attention to him, "Yes dear?"

Geoffrey asked again, "Why are my shirts unpacked?"

Rose gave a small smile, one that she thought was cute but made Geoffrey want to-he shook off the thought before it grew. "I had to make room for my hats." She said, pouting out her lip.

Geoffrey took a deep breath, "Why didn't you put them in the hat box?" He wouldn't lose his temper, Rose's father would kill him if he ever mistreated her.

Rose turned back to the flowers, obviously done with the conversation, "They wouldn't all fit."

_How many bloody hats do you need?_ A voice growled inside him. Geoffrey turned out the door so she couldn't see his grimace, "It's fine, I'll just pack another chest," And carry it, he added in his mind.

"You're wonderful dearie," She called.

He scowled "And I'm the luckiest man in the world," he grumbled.

When the day rolled around, Mrs. Lovett was fidgeting around the house; straightening chairs, rearranging Toby's gin bottles, and making sure that there was not even a speck of blood in the tonsorial parlor. Though she tried to assure herself that the last was a force of habit.

"Mum," Said Toby, "You need ta settle down, 'ave some gin."

Mrs. Lovett took the glass the boy offered, "Thanks Toby, love, these nerves don't do me 'eart good." They clinked glasses, though Toby used the bottle, and drank it down. Toby drummed his fingers against the table in no particular rhythm.

"Wot is it, love?" Asked Mrs. Lovett.

Toby bit his lip and muttered, "Nothing."

Mrs. Lovett put her hand on Toby's arm, "Toby dear, you can tell me anyfing. Wot's troubling you?"

"It's mister Todd, mum, why does he 'ave to live wif us?" Toby clutched at his gin bottle like it was a baby blanket, "And why are you sharing a room wif him? 'E's no good mum, I saw wot was in the bakehouse an-"

"Toby!" Mrs. Lovett drew in a sharp breath, "We can't discuss wot 'appened in London 'ere. Mista Todd is clean now," Most of the time, "An' that's all behind us."

Toby slumped down in his chair and his head rolled to the side drunkenly, "I don't like 'im mumph," and made a snuffling nose that meant he was asleep.

Mrs. Lovett stood up and patted his hair back into place.

Sweeney Todd entered with a gruff, "When's lunch?" And took a seat at the table.

Mrs. Lovett expertly slipped the gin bottle out of Toby's fingers without waking him and replaced it back to the cabinet. "Wait love, I thought we could wait until the couple arrives. That way we could get to know 'em."

Sweeney didn't acknowledge her, he just pushed his chair back and walked out. Mrs. Lovett continued to tidy the house in preparation, muttering to herself, "The great useless thing, I swear, now that he doesn't 'ave any way to get it out," she made a slicing motion, "'e's bloody awful." _Piety_, she thought as she remembered another way to relieve stress.

There was a curt rapping on the door that heralded the arrival of the mystery couple. Mrs. Lovett hurried to the door. "'Ello loves, come in, come in. I'm Mrs. Lovett, the landlady."

The man was a head taller than Mrs. Lovett, and quite more than that above his wife, who was barely at his shoulder. She was a plump woman, and not in the healthy way that Mrs. Lovett was.

"Thanks," said the man. He offered his hand to Mrs. Lovett, "Geoffrey Sterling, and this is Rose Sterling."

Rose cast a skeptic glance around the house, "It's rather small, don't you think?"

One of Geoffrey's cheeks inverted, as though he had just bit down on it. "But quaint, isn't it, dear?"

Mrs. Lovett, expert at subtly, wove herself into the conversation "We think the view makes up fer it, come this way." Mrs. Lovett led Rose onto the deck to see the ocean.

"I'll get the trunks," Geoffrey called after them, not caring if they heard. When Geoffrey walked back into the house he was surprised to find a man standing in the side room. He was completely silent, except for the gentle swish of a razor against its strop. "Excuse me," said Geoffrey, "You there, sir. Would you give me a hand?"

Sweeney froze midway along the leather. Without turning around he said, "Just leave it, Mrs. Lovett will get it."

Geoffrey gave a rough laugh, "Come on sir, being a porter is a man's job."

Sweeney finished stropping and walked over to help the guest, having learned from months with Mrs. Lovett that sometimes it was better to just give in.

When Sweeney and Geoffrey returned downstairs they crossed with Mrs. Lovett and Rose coming in from the deck. Geoffrey stopped cold, and Sweeney retreated farther into the house.

"Darling, I'm going upstairs to change my frock," said Rose, unhappy with her clothes already.

Geoffrey gave her a small smile that looked more like a grimace. "Of course, dear, I'm going to get some water, I have a scratch in my throat." They parted ways without another word.

Geoffrey went into the kitchen and was surprised to find Sweeney hiding there already. "Huh, women," said Geoffrey. "At least your wife works-"

"She's not my wife," Sweeney said quietly, but it silenced Geoffrey as if he had yelled it.

Geoffrey rubbed his chin and the bristly stubble on it, "Any chance you have something dry? The carriage ride was painful enough."

Toby was still in a drunk nap, but Sweeney cast him a dark look anyway, "If the runt hasn't drank it all it should be in there."

Geoffrey found the liquor cabinet easily and poured himself a drink. "I'm sorry about the misunderstanding, with Mrs. Lovett and all, I just assumed when I saw your boy-"

"What?" The word cut like steel through Mister Todd's lips.

Geoffrey put his hand out in a peaceable gesture, "It's alright, a bastard's nothing to be ashamed of. I nearly was one-"

"He's not my son, Mrs. Lovett picked him off the street." Sweeney said slowly, as though he wanted to bore it into the tenant's mind. Then he rose and started to walk out the door, back to his precious razors.

Geoffrey downed the rest of his drink and stood up with him, "Wait, sir. I don't even know your name, or the boy's. And, if you don't mind me asking, what is the relationship between you and Mrs. Lovett? I wouldn't want my wife," he grumbled the word, "to say something off-color."

Sweeney's shoulders rose as he took a deep breath as though the conversation was draining him. "I am Mister Todd, the boy is Toby, and Mrs. Lovett is-" he paused and considered the question. Landlady was wrong, it would raise questions about their sleeping arrangement. Friend seemed too personal. Acquaintance was not personal enough. "Old friend," he muttered and walked out, the question still weighing heavy on his mind.


	3. Mismatched Matches

**A/N Welcome to another exciting installment of "The Weekend Trippers."**

**Many, many meatpies to the reviewers: xDazedandConfusedX, Lovely (),Saphire Bethany Stacy Skyle, Maxine the unknowingly admired, xXGreenRoseliaXx, Sheila Chiaroscura, ShesASuperFreak317, and XTheOnlyOneForeverX. Y'all make it easy to pick up the proverbial pen and write!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't not own Sweeney Todd, I think we can all agree that Mrs. Lovett does ;)**

Chapter 3

Whatever Sweeney had decided, or hadn't, he didn't let it bother him for longer than the time it took for Rose to come bounding down the stairs to find Geoffrey. Sweeney was back to stropping his razors, tuning out everything but the rough scratching. He didn't even notice the gentle "Hmm, hmmm" cough behind him.

"Excuse me," said Rose, "Excuse me, sir." Sweeney stopped cold again and locked at the sound of a woman's voice, expecting it to be Mrs. Lovett. But Rose was determined and she walked around to face him. "Do you know where my husband is?"

Sweeney blinked once with a startled expression on his face, swallowed so fast that his Adam's apple bounced, and then regained his façade and said snidely, "Why don't you look through our small house for him?"

Rose pouted out her lips and rocked back on her heels, "Now, now, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

Having fully recovered from his earlier moment, Sweeney growled back at her, "I don't sleep," and stormed out. Rose watched him escape with a particular expression, one that was never directed at her husband. Luckily, she did not hear Sweeney's awed whisper, "Yellow hair."

Meanwhile, in another part of the house Geoffrey was still hiding in the kitchen, trying to burry himself behind the bottle of gin. Suddenly Toby's head lolled to the side, and, still in a dream, "No, don't bake me in a pie. I'll grind the meat, I promise." The boy's leg shot out and kicked the table, and his hand twitched on the table.

Geoffrey reached out and shook the boy awake, "Easy there lad, wouldn't want to hurt yourself."

Mrs. Lovett hustled into the room, "Wot's going on 'ere?"

"He must be 'aving a nightmare," Said Geoffrey.

Toby's eyes shot open and he shouted, "No Mr. Todd!" He blinked and cocked his head to the side, asking, "'O are you?"

Mrs. Lovett handled the introductions, always the hostess, "Toby, this is Geoffrey, one of our tenants. Geoffrey this is me adopted son Toby. Toby, love, will you 'elp me out in the garden?"

Toby perked up, if he was a dog his ears would have pricked, "Sure 'fing mum. I'll go draw some water."

Mrs. Lovett paused in the doorway and turned back to Geoffrey, "You folks need anyfing?"

Geoffrey open his mouth to answer, but Rose's earsplitting call of, "Geoffrey!" Sliced through the air. Geoffrey raised his eyebrows and muttered to Mrs. Lovett, "A place to hide."

Mrs. Lovett sighed, "Yeah, your wife, I'm so sorry." With that, she turned and followed Toby out.

Geoffrey heard Rose's footfalls and he stood like a war-torn soldier having to fight another battle. She popped into the doorway a moment later asking, or rather insisting, that they go for a walk. Geoffrey, knowing that it would less painful to just accept, did.

The two had returned a hour or two before dinner. Rose insisted that she had a headache and went to lay down, though Geoffrey didn't understand why she didn't have a mouth-ache as well. As usual, their time spent together consisted of Rose talking and Geoffrey gritting his teeth. The two went their separate ways as soon as they walked in the door. Geoffrey hurried to the kitchen to find more gin, and Rose to lie down in the parlor, but this was mostly so that she could watch Sweeney in the room adjacent.

Mrs. Lovett was already in the kitchen when Geoffrey entered. She was making veal meatpies, and thankfully it was only veal.

"Do you 'ave any gin?" Asked Geoffrey, "I need something to take the edge off."

Mrs. Lovett handed him a bottle, "Trouble wif Rose?"

Geoffrey rubbed his head, "Is it possible for someone to be so repellent that the very tone of their voice scratches the ears?"

Mrs. Lovett laughed, "Then why did you marry the fool?"

"My parents were wealthy and I was free to spend my youth with whoever I pleased. And I took advantage of that, and them, I was quite the young rascal, I was. My parents married me off in 'opes that I would listen to the Lord's commandments, since I ignored theirs." Geoffrey finished with a swig from the bottle.

Mrs. Lovett sighed, "I know wot that's like."

Geoffrey looked shocked, "No, no, a beautiful woman like yourself must 'ave 'ad her choice of suitors."

Mrs. Lovett giggled and turned away, back to her cooking, "No, my parents married me to get me out of the house."

Geoffrey stood and took a step closer to Mrs. Lovett, "But Mr. Todd said you weren't married."

Mrs. Lovett laughed, "Oh, no, we're not," Yet, "My first 'usband was named Albert. "'E died about ten years ago."

Geoffrey took another step closer, "My condolences," he said quietly.

Mrs. Lovett went to turn around to face him, "It's alright I'm better-" But she stopped at the proximity her houseguest was at.

The two were silent for a moment, their gazes matched and held. Then Toby called from the parlor, "Mum!"

Mrs. Lovett blushed, "I-I have to go," she mumbled and ran out.

Geoffrey smiled.

**A/N There might not be an update for a few days, Geoffrey and I are having a fight. I specifically told him not to come onto Mrs. Lovett, that Rose and Sweeney were going to cause enough drama, and then this chapter happened. Ugh, characters, they're worse than actors.**

**Also, do any of your characters talk to you in your head, or am I losing it?**


	4. An Awkward Dinner

**A/N Wow! This fic has received so many wonderful reviews. Drinks all around! Reviewers, you know who you are, I would love to give you all a cookie.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sweeney Todd**

The entire household had dinner together on the first night, on Mrs. Lovett's orders. Silence covered the table, except for Sweeney's alternating glares at the meatpie in front of him and Mrs. Lovett.

It was Toby who finally broke the silence, he hadn't touched dinner either, "Mum, wot kind of meat is in the pie?"

Mrs. Lovett rolled her eyes, "Veal, now you and Mista Todd can eat up."

Toby took one bite and decided he liked the pie, tearing into it with his usual starved dog appetite. Sweeney raised his eyebrows at Toby, but slowly ate his too.

Another silence descended on the table, but it was Rose who broke it. "So Mister Todd, Mrs. Lovett tells me you are a barber."

"Yes, it's not the most profitable venture, but it's what I'm trained in." Said Sweeney casually.

Mrs. Lovett's jaw nearly hit the floor. _A whole sentence!_ She thought, _She got him to say a whole sentence!_

Rose continued in her verbal seduction, "Maybe you could give Geoffrey a shave, I keep telling him he needs to get rid of the rat under his chin."

Geoffrey gritted his teeth, "I like my beard," he said to his plate.

Mrs. Lovett patted Geoffrey's hand (A gesture that Rose missed because she was staring at Sweeney, but he did not miss), "It suits you," Said Mrs. Lovett.

Toby, who had been watching the entire exchange having finished eating, went to get his gin bottle, thinking that dinner would be less awkward when he had a few.

Sweeney, uncomfortable with the amount of emotion in the room, stood without a word and walked out. Mrs. Lovett began to gather up the plates and such to wash them. Rose went to go lie down again, insisting that her headache was worse. Geoffrey gathered up his plate, insisting that he help Mrs. Lovett. And Toby, feeling even worse about seeing all of that, went to the attic to drink.

"Your Rose is quite the charmer, I've never known Mista T to say anyfing more than a word or two." Said Mrs. Lovett.

Geoffrey sighed, "Yeah that's Rose, the charmer of many, many men." He handed Mrs. Lovett the wash water.

Mrs. Lovett turned to face Geoffrey, her mouth open like a gossip's, "No. Are you saying she was-you know."

Geoffrey nodded, "Twice. She has a bad sense of timing, never when I work late, always when I come home early. Ugh, I could kill her."

"Then why don't you?" The question was out of Mrs. Lovett's mouth before she could stop it. She clamped a hand around her mouth but Geoffrey had already heard.

"What?" Gasped Geoffrey, "I mean it would make me feel better, and it would be fun."

Mrs. Lovett leaned in, "You're not appalled by the suggestion?"

Geoffrey shook his head, his eyes wide with excitement, "No. Let's do it right now." He turned to run into the parlor and Mrs. Lovett grabbed his shoulder.

"Now, now Mista Sterling. No one wants that as much as I do, I've seen 'er making eyes at Mista T. But we can't rush inta this. Where were ya plannin' to 'ide the body?"

Geoffrey let the air out of his mouth, "Um, in the sea?"

Mrs. Lovett put her hands on Geoffrey's shoulders and led him over to the window, "No, no, they always wash up. See 'is garden? We can bury 'er there."

Geoffrey turned to Mrs. Lovett, a Cheshire grin on his face, "Mrs. Lovett, you're a bloody wonder, thank you."

Mrs. Lovett was in awe. Thank you, someone had actually thanked her, and meant it. She took a step closer to Geoffrey and offered her hand for a shake to seal the deal. And Geoffrey took it, but he kissed it.

Mrs. Lovett blushed and stammered, "You're welcome Mr. Sterling."

Geoffrey snaked his arm around Mrs. Lovett's waist and pulled himself closer to her, "We're partners in this, you can call me Geoffrey."

Mrs. Lovett put her hands on his chest, "Nellie."

Geoffrey smiled, "A beautiful name." With that he bent down and kissed her.

There was the sound of glass breaking.

Toby stood in the doorway with his gin bottle in shatters on the floor.

"Mum?" He said.

Mrs. Lovett pulled apart from Geoffrey, "Toby, love, this was-"

Toby ran forward to hug Mrs. Lovett, skillfully avoiding the broken glass. "No mum, I 'appy fer you. Even if 'e is married to the most annoying lady-"

"Toby!" Mrs. Lovett scolded, even though she agreed.

"At least 'e's not Mista Todd," Finished Toby.

Mrs. Lovett put a hand on her boy's shoulder, "Now Toby, love, you need ta promise not ta say anyfing until tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Said Geoffrey excitedly. Mrs. Lovett nodded.

In another part of the house, Geoffrey was looking for Rose for a change. He found her in their room, sleeping. Geoffrey gently (or not so gently) shook her awake.

"Geoffers, I'm trying to sleep." She complained.

_Don't call me Geoffers_, the voice in his head snarled but he put on a smile and said, "Rose, I know we haven't been spending much time together, so why don't we go for a walk tomorrow, just you and me."

Rose nodded, "I'd like that."

Geoffrey walked out of the room, "I will too," He growled under his breath.

**A/N An insight of the madness that is in my head:**

**Me: Geoffers, stop it Sweenett is OTP.**

**Geoffrey: Don't call me Geoffers! Nellie deserves someone who will be nice to her, not like him.**

**Sweeney: Don't call Mrs. Lovett Nellie! I just have trouble with emotions.**

**Me: Omigod, break though! Sweeney keep talking.**

**Sweeney: I…I think I could love again.**

**Me: *explodes***

**Lovett: Doesn't anyone care about what I think?**

**Geoffrey and Sweeney: No!**

**I'm a little conflicted ;) So, just so I can get Geoffrey to shut up, is ANYONE out there shipping Loverey? Because this will be a Sweenett even if I have to have Sweeney kill Geoffrey, and he doesn't want that.**


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